Confidence is Key Part 1

I my first real blog I want to tackle what caused so much dilemma throughout the years with me and my writing. It is a impalpable trench that nobody can pass through. Unless you get others to come find you while you get lost in its inconvenient maze of weight and pressure. It's the single tool that helps you push through and believe in anything and everything you do. It's used from the greedy to get everything they ever needed. In school, jocks would foam from the mouth with it just by standing there holding their balls. Yes I said it.The crucial component I needed to push through to get to this point in my writing career was confidence. I didn't find confidence in my self, well not necessarily. But others helped me find it within myself. This is how I got so far with my writing.

In the beginning, probably high school, around grade 11, I radiated confidence. I was the perfect aspect of what you would tell your grandchildren how to be confident. With confidence when you're young you become arrogant and take the world by your feet. Everything is below you and you're invincible. Well it so happens that's exactly what I thought. My own naive nature got the best of me and for the next 3 years I felt like I was at the top.

Like every teenager aspiring to become super rich, I landed a job at Mcdonalds. That's right king burger joint of the whole wide world. During my first year I was king of the place because of the "C" word(confidence, what the hell did you think I meant). Or at least I thought. My confidence level sky rocketed as I progressed through the ranks of management chain right up to the point where the owner inadvertently said me I could own stores one day. Well with my ego brain I took it for granted. I really did think I, Brandon David Schieckoff could own a store one day. I would be rich. Well that all crashed beneath my feet when the other mangers began to revolt against me. It was a civil war within the fast food joint. Only I didn't know until it was too late. I made the mistake of being super arrogantly confident that I thought no one could touch me. I was wrong.I know that now. And I'm okay with it. I lost my job and did it on my terms. Thus causing all my built up confidence to fall beneath me as well.

I was jobless and without any confidence I had walking into my second job, so you know what I did. I reverted to playing video games like a cocaine addict feeding off his own addiction scraps for more. I had no money, how could I afford to live. I needed to snap out of it and find a job. Luckily I have a great family, and within that family is my Auntie Rose. She is also my godmother. She hooked me up with a turkey farm job later that month. My first turkey broke me down even further, these are known to me as the start of the darkest days to come. The farm manager was sort of a dick. And didn't help me learn how to do the things I needed to do. Times were tough so i learnt on my own. I was able to gain a lot of confidence using an assortment of tools, like a handyman should know. About 8 to 9 months in and a lot of emotional stress, he wanted to replace me with another worker, but had offered to get me a job with another turkey farm 20 minutes away. This also didn't help me at all. It seems everywhere I went the world around me was breaking itself apart and falling down on me. Assholes are everywhere, and I needed a change.

So starts my steep climb through my current job. I worked at the start of the line, for a factory position at first and assembled these machines. Life looked up for about two months and one day off my probation period. They brought me in the boardroom and told a bunch of us.

"The recession has hit Canada. Your a permanent lay-off."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

I was in my most depressing period of my life. Zero confidence and honestly had suicidal thoughts because i didn't have any job in sight and started playing World of Warcraft like the cocaine addict once again. It was the worst thing I've ever did in my whole life. That game broke me down to my very core and suck all aspiration to do anything away from my soul. It gave me a false sense of purpose. Life had nothing for me accept a game addiction, a fiance and hope for a better day. That was a long nine months, before I had to resort back to working at the turkey farm. This was my third and final stop working with these damn creatures. Luckily I had to grade eggs and work in the farm house away from the damn annoying clucking turkeys. Thank god.

It took a long time and some pestering, but I finally got called back to the factory life. It felt good, well sort of. After a year and a half I got back in and told myself, I wouldn't let this happen to me ever again. I needed to make sure I was the foundation that held this place up, because I didn't need to get laid off ever again. This is the rising action of the confidence coming back into my life.

It must have been four years ago, and I was only half way through me first draft in my second book. No one else around me was writing or even into the artsy type of things this world has to offer. But there was Dan C. I'll let his last name be nameless for his privacy, but at least he will know who he is. Dan was the first person I talked to about the sheer fact I was writing a book.

"That's sweet, whats it about?"

"insert book synopsis here"

I told Dan my basic idea of what I was doing. He liked it and accepted the fact I was an amateur author. It felt great. I get home later that day do do a shit load more writing. Why? Because it felt good to have someone listen to what I had to offer. I had the confidence to speak to Dan about what I was writing about And with all that added confidence backing me up, I was able to push through more creative writing. It became very apparent that I couldn't get a lot done without confidence boosting me up and springing me ahead every day I needed it. After hours of physical work each day it was extremely hard to come home and sit down to get some writing down.