Confidence is Key pt.2
I was about one third into my novel and couldn't escape the writers block that constantly plagued me. It was my main excuse for never achieving much when it came to writing. The invisible wall that blocked me from accomplishing my dream. But that's all it was, it was only and "excuse". A few years later and a ton of harassment, I finally landed a new position in the company I'm still currently at. This signal handling alleviated a ton of stress off my shoulders. And not that I am a manager or anything but we got a new facility and needed someone to to control over the shop floor. That would have been me, or at least should be me, since I'm the only guy on the shop floor working 100% in this lab. With the coming weeks, I learnt how I am able to organize, manage and found how well I can get shit done.
So it was almost 1 1/2 years ago when I finally told a few more people about the book I'm writing. This helped me find a way to vent out my seeping imagination. Just the look on their faces shoved me to do so much more. Still telling everyone I had been benched from all the writers block I had and I couldn't get much done ever. Or it would be I'm too exhausted when I get home to do anything creative.
When I would tell someone about me writing that was close to within my family, they didn't really think much of it. "Oh he is just doing it for fun, or he is just wasting his time." This is exactly the kinds of thoughts I had going on in my own head when I would explain what I was doing. This wasn't good for my confidence level because if they didn't care about what I thought could be huge for me, why would I. Thus the reason I would get lost in video games, as a means of escaping reality. In this addiction I found some light.
During my summer vacation of 2016, I had two weeks off. The first week was refreshing and I had some of the best times I could have ever wished for. Just me and my wife with our two kids relaxing in grand bend at my dads trailer. I was able to shut off my mind and relieve all the stress I had built up over the years. All the heartache that had accumulated since the dark side of life I endured, vanished that week. It was super awesome to have the time to relax my mind. I told myself I wanted more of this and promised myself that I would get there someday. It was only going to take a lot of hard work and dedication.
The second week I took the time to really buckle down and work hard on my novel. And boy did I ever. Every morning I had waken up and got some coffee and wrote for over 4-8 hours each day. I got a lot of work done. Made me feel like I could accomplish this great feat, and made me realize how much I really did enjoy this side of my life. The creative side was my new addiction. Once my holidays were over I set a goal for myself that I would finish my first book later that year at Christmas time. Trying to set a goal for the rest of the year seeing how close to finishing this first story in the series, and how much fun I had during that time. It was going to be great.
Christmas holidays past and I gt absolutely nothing done. Well that was demoralizing. It took me a few weeks to get back in the groove. Something had to change this year. I needed a extra push to get the job done. So I took up using Instagram to post some tidbits of my novel to showcase my work. At first I was only getting a few likes which for me was the world of difference. Those erupted into a huge push of confidence for me to continue on and really finish this book. After about a week I took up more social media outlets and started the conversation. Before you know it everyone wants to know about my book. And they want to discuss everything about it. This was a huge confidence boost for me.
After I had finish the novel I had to set goals and continue on my way to become a published author. It would be a huge step for me to get this read by beta readers and take in the comment or criticism they might have with it. But the biggest hurdle was to train my mind to stop coming home and turning on the games from the computer and losing myself within them. I had to make sure I made goals and stuck to it mentally. This was going to be a massive leap off the stage, but for the better.
Fortunately I was able to snag 7 beta readers, and 5 of them actually finished it and had crucial criticism and useful comments that helped elevate my novel for the better. This drove my confidence level out the roof. And for this I am very grateful. Thanks goes out to all of you who have helped me transcend all my hurdles and made me who I am today. Because of you I got my confidence back.
Lastly, I haven't played a single video game in three months. Hurray for me.
